Myths & Realities about the Domestic Violence

There are many myths about domestic violence, which can prevent women talking about their experiences and also prevent them accessing the help and support that they need. These myths can also cause unnecessary suffering as many women believe the myths and that they are unworthy of any help.

MYTH: "It's just the odd domestic tiff, all couples have them."

FACT: Violence by a man against the woman he lives with commonly includes rape, punching or hitting her, pulling her hair out threatening her with a gun or a knife or even attempting to kill her. Emotional abuse can include depriving the woman of money, clothes, food or sleep, locking her in her home, constantly telling her she is ugly, stupid or useless, not allowing her to take or make telephone calls and isolating her from her friends and family.
More than 25% of all violent crimes reported to the police is domestic violence of men against women, making it the second most common violent crime.
Domestic violence is not an issue to be treated flippantly. There is no place for physical or emotional abuse in a healthy relationship.

MYTH: "Domestic violence only happens in working class families"

FACT: Any woman can be abused. She might be any of the women you have ever seen. The curse of Domestic Violence works transcending the contours of social, cultural, economic or professional areas.

MYTH: Victim always provokes it to happen

FACT: Mostly when you refuse to submit unconditionally to the egoistic or irrational demands of the abuser you are likely to face it. It is not a reaction merely to your unconditional submission rather it is the habit of the abuser. No one 'deserves' being beaten or emotionally tortured. Often, the only provocation has been that she has often simply asked for money for food, or not had a meal ready on time, or been on the telephone too long.
Women often blame themselves because they have been consistently told that the violence is all their fault. There is no justification for violence.

MYTH: abuser did not do it knowingly, he was helpless being drunk.

FACT: only the drinking is not to be blamed for Domestic Violence. True, some men may be more violent after a drink but that does not and can not justify the matter. However, the drink and the drugs provide an easy excuse for not taking responsibility. It can be easier for a woman to accept that a man wouldn't have hit her if he were restrained. In truth, drunk or sober, high or low, a man who beats a woman is an abuser. There is no excuse for violence.

MYTH: "The abuser himself is a victim of his background "

FACT: It may be or may not be. But the background ‘defect’ of the abuser does not justify his act of violence. This argument asks the battered partner to tolerate for no fault of her. Many men who are violent towards their families or their partner come from families with no history of violence. Many families in which violence occurs do not produce violent men. The family is not the only formative influence on behaviour.
A violent man is responsible for his own actions.
 

MYTH: She might have left the company of the abuser. Her stay with him had invited the violence

FACT: Women stay in violent homes for reasons which range from love to terror. There are also practical reasons why women stay with the abuser; generally they may be afraid of the repercussions if they attempt to leave, they may be afraid of becoming homeless, they may worry about losing their children. They may fear poverty and isolation. The prospect of leaving an abusive relationship can be as frightening as the prospect of staying.

The following things keep women in an abusive relationship:

• Confusion about what love for her partner means
• The relationship has its good points, it's not all bad.
• Hope that the situation will change
• fear of being alone
• Many women in violent, abusive situations are not aware of the practical help and emotional support that is available for them